Album!

Songs.

T

Two songs I've forgotten to share here. :)

:(

Really insecure about one of the songs on the CD. I want to remove it and throw it away, but it's already too late. All the material has been sent to printing.

Really hate it. :(

Blogging.

Hello, my dearest readers - who I am assuming exist, even though I don't know for sure. Call it "faith" if you will. ;)

Album is coming along, slowly but steadily. The amount of paperwork involved with this surprised me, and since I'm completely new to this, much time was spent sending emails with stupid questions back and forth to very patient people at Sellaband and my Mastering service. At this point I'm surprised that none of them has exploded and told me to shove it.

I'm also having drops of confidence. Listening to the songs I keep finding flaws. A bit out of tune there, that instrument doesn't melt in properly, rhythm problem there, but I can't do any better than this. Keep thinking perhaps I rushed into this, that these songs aren't good enough to be sold. I'm so worried to disappoint those who have invested time and money into this project.
Then Belvane laughs at me and tells me she can't hear a single of the problems I'm concerned about. That's a relief of course, but a lot of you are musicians yourselves. All I can hope is that expectations aren't too high.

(I keep telling people I'm not a professional, but since I have done this as "work" several times now, does that make me a really bad professional? What is the term for someone who is still learning, but is still doing it as a job? Does not compute.)

As for the album art - I had the enormous luck of finding out that a friend of my darling Little Sister is studying photography in a town very close to me. I've seen her work before, and she's absolutely excellent, so I immediately sent her a message on facebook. :) She took some wonderful photos for me, so thank you very much Nayab.

So when will the album be out?
As it looks now, it will be out in April. Maybe I'll be funny and release it on my birthday. We'll see. ;)

-Merrigan

Sellaband success!

After only three months of Sellaband, I have reached my funding goal. :) It's official guys, Merrigan's album will be released within a few months.
Link!

I'm amazed, touched, flabbergasted by the amazing support I've received. Even if the album doesn't sell, it's okay, because I've reached a milestone in my life. And I couldn't have done it without you. :) <3

Identity crisis.

I find myself conflicted with my own sound.

I adore celtic music, and video game soundtracks. I love all of the things that have inspired my sound so far, but... I find myself thinking that the sound my songs have now, doesn't represent me.

The part of me who listened to heavy metal as a teenager, the part of me that loves underground subcultures and the part of me that shaved half of her head just in order to get rid of the cutesy girly look is betrayed when I sing. The high-pitched, overly sweet, childish voice and gentle instrumentals contrasts too harshly with the way I feel, the way I look, and the feelings I need to vent.

I want to experiment with new, darker sounds. I want to see how menacing I can sound, I want to hiss and growl and scream with anguish, and I want heavy drums and ominous rhythms. But at the same time I worry that the audience I've managed to gather so far, will be disappointed if I steer my debut album in this direction. They're used to ShyTooShy who sings Xion's theme with a sweet, girly voice. I'm tired of pretty, I'm tired of cute. I want raw, rough, animalistic. UGLY.

So what do I do?

Of course I could try to find some sort of middle-ground. I am still me and I will never be able to sound like The Birthday Massacre, no matter how much black eyeliner I wear.

I envy those with strong, harsh voices and electric guitars.

Year's end.

The end of the year, like birthdays, are always sources of anxiety and stress for me. Rather than seeing a new beginning I feel like I'm losing something. Getting older, wasted too much time. I still feel like an insecure child, not strong enough to face the world, although my own mother had me at this age.

That is not to say I don't think I have achieved anything. In fact, I think this year has been a good one. I've grown musically, I've gotten a collection of instruments and learned to play most of them sufficiently. I now arrange the instrumentals of my covers myself, and I'm starting to feel confident enough to start working on a debut album.

Yes, if luck is on my side, I'll have my first album released within 2012.

It's also been a difficult year of waiting for doctor's orders, appointments and diagnoses in a healthcare system that is supposedly one of the best of the world. If I have to wait an entire year to get help, then I can't help but feel awful for the people in the countries where healthcare isn't as good. Shameful.

Resolutions?
-Drop 10 kgs in weight.
-Do more with Freya
-Release an album

Goodbye, 2011.